The Lazy Tour of Two Idle Apprentices

‘I will let you get anything you like, including a composing draught for yourself,’ said Thomas, irritably alluding to his fellow-apprentice’s inexhaustible activity, ‘if you will only sit quiet for five minutes longer, and hear me out.  I say again the horse is a betrayer of the confidence reposed in him; and that opinion, let me add, is drawn from my own personal experience, and is not based on any fanciful theory whatever.  You shall have two instances, two overwhelming instances.  Let me start the first of these by asking, what is the distinguishing quality which the Shetland Pony has arrogated to himself, and is still perpetually trumpeting through the world by means of popular report and books on Natural History?  I see the answer in your face: it is the quality of being Sure-Footed.  He professes to have other virtues, such as hardiness and strength, which you may discover on trial; but the one thing which he insists on your believing, when you get on his back, is that he may be safely depended on not to tumble down with you.  Very good.  Some years ago, I was in Shetland with a party of friends.  They insisted on taking me with them to the top of a precipice that overhung the sea.  It was a great distance off, but they all determined to walk to it except me.  I was wiser then than I was with you at Carrock, and I determined to be carried to the precipice.  There was no carriage-road in the island, and nobody offered (in consequence, as I suppose, of the imperfectly-civilised state of the country) to bring me a sedan-chair, which is naturally what I should have liked best.  A Shetland pony was produced instead.  I remembered my Natural History, I recalled popular report, and I got on the little beast’s back, as any other man would have done in my position, placing implicit confidence in the sureness of his feet.  And how did he repay that confidence?  Brother Francis, carry your mind on from morning to noon.  Picture to yourself a howling wilderness of grass and bog, bounded by low stony hills.  Pick out one particular spot in that imaginary scene, and sketch me in it, with outstretched arms, curved back, and heels in the air, plunging headforemost into a black patch of water and mud.  Place just behind me the legs, the body, and the head of a sure-footed Shetland pony, all stretched flat on the ground, and you will have produced an accurate representation of a very lamentable fact.  And the moral device, Francis, of this picture will be to testify that when gentlemen put confidence in the legs of Shetland ponies, they will find to their cost that they are leaning on nothing but broken reeds.  There is my first instance—and what have you got to say to that?’

‘Nothing, but that I want my hat,’ answered Goodchild, starting up and walking restlessly about the room.