The Secret Place

The words felt strange and strong, rising out of me, strong as trees. Conway’s shoulder was against mine, level and solid.

Lift of Mackey’s eyebrow, in a stripe of light. ‘Oo, get you. Did you grow those yourself, or did you borrow them off your new pal?’

‘Mr Mackey,’ Conway said. ‘Let me explain to you what’s going to happen now. Detective Moran’s going to talk to these three girls. I’m going to observe, with my mouth shut. If you think you can manage the same, feel free. If you can’t, then fuck off and leave us to it.’

The eyebrow stayed up. To me: ‘Don’t say I didn’t warn you.’

About Conway, about what Joanne could do, about what he would do. He was right, on every one of them. And – what a guy – he was giving me one last chance, for old times’ sake, to play nice.

‘I won’t,’ I said. ‘Word of honour, man: I’d never claim that.’

Quick sniff of laughter from Conway. Then the two of us turned our backs on Mackey and moved through the miasma of hyacinths, up the slope towards the glade.

Under the cypresses Conway stopped. I heard Mackey’s long leisurely stride catch up with her, felt her stretch out an arm: far enough.

He stopped because he’d been going to anyway. If anything led even an inch towards Holly, Conway wouldn’t be able to hold him back.

I stepped out into the clearing and stood in front of those three girls.

The moon stripped my face bare to them. It turned them black-invisible, blazed their outline like a great white rune written on the air. Joanne and her lot were danger, bad danger. They were nothing compared to this.

I cleared my throat. They didn’t move.

I said, ‘Do yous not have to head indoors for lights-out, no?’

My voice came out weak, a limp thread. One of them said, ‘We’ll go in a minute.’

‘Right. Grand. I just wanted to say…’ Foot to foot, rustling in the long grass. ‘Thanks for all your help. It’s been great. Really made a difference.’

A voice asked, ‘Where’s Holly?’

‘She’s inside.’

‘Why?’

I twisted. ‘She’s a bit shaken up. I mean, she’s grand, but that thing back in the common room, with the… you know. Chris’s ghost.’

Julia’s voice said, ‘There wasn’t any ghost. That was just people looking for attention.’

A shift, under the curves of that rune sign. Selena’s voice said softly, ‘I saw him.’

Another movement, quicker and cut off. Julia had elbowed Selena, kicked her, something.

I asked, ‘Rebecca? How about you?’

After a moment, from inside the dark: ‘I saw him.’

‘Yeah? What was he doing?’

Another ripple through that rune, changed the meaning in subtle ways I couldn’t read.

‘He was talking. Fast, like jabbering; like, he never stopped to breathe. I guess he doesn’t need to.’

‘What was he saying?’

‘I couldn’t tell. I was trying to read his lips, but he was going too fast. One time he…’ Rebecca’s voice split on a shiver. ‘He laughed.’

‘Could you tell who he was talking to?’

Silence. Then – so soft, I would’ve missed it, only my ears were wide open as an animal’s – ‘To me.’

A tiny catch of breath, almost a gasp, from somewhere else in that condensation of darkness.

I asked, ‘Why you?’

‘I told you. I couldn’t hear.’

‘This morning you said you and Chris weren’t close.’

‘We weren’t.’

‘So it’s not like he misses you so much, he had to come back and tell you that.’

Nothing.

‘Rebecca.’

‘Probably not. I guess. I don’t know.’

‘Not like he was secretly in love with you, no?’

‘No!’

I said, ‘You know how you looked, in there? Scared. Like, really scared.’

‘I saw a ghost. You’d be scared too.’

The raw flick of defiance: she didn’t sound like a mystery now, not like a danger. Sounded like a kid, just a teenage kid. The power was seeping out of her; fear was seeping in.

Julia said, ‘Don’t talk to him any more.’

I said, ‘Did you think he was going to hurt you?’

‘How would I know?’

‘Becs. Shut up.’

No way to tell if Julia was just wary, or if she was starting to understand. ‘But,’ I said, fast, ‘but Rebecca, I thought you liked Chris. You told us he was sound. Was that a lie? He was actually a dickhead?’

‘No. He wasn’t. He was kind.’

That flare of defiance again, hotter. This mattered to her.

I shrugged. ‘Everything we’ve learned, he sounds like a dickhead. He used girls for whatever he could get, dumped them as soon as he wasn’t getting it. A real prize.’

‘No. Colm’s is full of those – they don’t care what they wreck, they’ll do anything to anyone as long as they get what they want. I know the difference. Chris wasn’t like that.’

The white outline moved. Things rising up underneath it, bubbling.

Rebecca felt them. She said, ‘I know the stuff he did. Obviously I know he wasn’t perfect. But he wasn’t like the rest of them.’

A raw choke that could have been a laugh, out of Julia.

‘Lenie. He wasn’t. Was he?’

Selena moved. She said, ‘He was a lot of things.’

‘Lenie.’

They had forgotten me. Selena said, ‘He wanted not to be like them. He tried really hard. I don’t know how much it worked.’

‘It did.’ Rebecca’s voice was spiralling towards panic. ‘It worked.’

That ugly twist of sound again, from Julia.

‘It did. It did.’