William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return

Exeunt Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Chewbacca, Princess Leia, Lando, R2-D2, and C-3PO on skiff.

Act II

Scene 1.

Inside the second Death Star.

EnterCHORUS.

Chorus

The army of the Empire gathers nearWithin the Death Star’s uncompleted shell.They all prepare to welcome one they fear:The Emperor hath come, thereon to dwell.

[Exit chorus.

Enter Emperor Palpatine and attending royal guards.

Emperor

My servant Vader have I come to meet,To hear him tell what progress hath been madeUpon this newest Death Star. ConfidentI am that he shall make a good report,For he is ever trustworthy when ask’dTo solve a problem for his Emperor.Forsooth, the man is all obedienceWhen he is call’d to serve. It hath been soFor years now, ever since he turn’d towardThe dark side and became a Sith as I.But there is more than mere obedience:He looketh on me as a father, aye,For truly did I train him so to do.He doth respect and hang on ev’ry wordI utter, even when ’tis to rebuke

Or punish him for some apparent fault.The man is like a pet most pitiful,E’er braying for his master’s notice andDisplaying great affection e’en when kick’d.In truth, his groveling doth make me sick.Aye, his devotion to me I do notReciprocate, for he to me is butA tool—most useful and most sharp, ’tis true—But merely agent of my will, no more.Yet he a vital purpose serveth inMy reign and plans, while little doth he knowThat he could be more powerful than I.A tool the man may be, but I cannotDispense with his keen services as yet.But since I do consider him a threat,

I keep his leash as short as possible,And I accept his childlike zeal for meAt least till I an apt replacement find.Mayhap this young Skywalker—who is e’erOn Vader’s otherwise clear mind—may proveTo be his aging father’s substitute.Was it a judgment error to informDarth Vader of the presence of his son?Methinks ’twas not, for his devotion toHis Emperor and his submersion inThe dark side shall be more persuasive thanWhat feelings he may have for son unknown.And furthermore, to know Skywalker isHis son shall heighten his resolve to turnThe boy unto the dark, and make him mine.

Thus would he see his Emperor and sonTogether join’d, which would bring him dark joy.’Tis surely how the future shall unfold—All shall be well, for I have plann’d it so.And now he comes: my humble servant Darth.

EnterDARTH VADERandMOFF JERJERRODwithSTORMTROOPERS.

Vader

I bid thee welcome and with humbl’d mienI bow to thee in utmost reverence:My master, teacher, savior, rescuer.

Emperor