Women are not unicorns

We borrowed two and a half million rubles and found ourselves in a situation where we didn’t get what we wanted, but we couldn’t give it back either, because we’d spent it all and didn’t earn any new ones.

We then had sex mechanically, rarely, and constantly fought in between.

— It's all because of you.

— What are you talking about? And who begged me to take out loans?

“You’re an adult, you wouldn’t want to,” he refused.

— Yes? You are so smart now. Does this mean I have to take the rap? And you say you’re not in business. How to borrow debts from people, you're good. How should I be responsible for them? Should I immediately?

— Fuck you! — She went there herself and for a long time.

Oh, that was great! We were hot and brave then. Unbridled and passionate.

Is this how they usually show foreplay before wild sex in novels?

This is all untrue. At such moments, you are not passionate, but offended, angry, with a sour expression and emptiness inside.

You've probably seen how after this in films people throw themselves at each other and they have real passion.

So, as an option, the heroes managed to forgive each other and realize love in a split second. But ninety-nine percent of the time it's just staged. This is the idea of the director, screenwriter, and that’s it.

I've seen couples like this together. At first they forgave each other after a quarrel before coitus, and then they stopped doing this, as a result, love disappeared, sex disappeared, they got divorced.

My husband and I did not survive this moment then. Still, they broke up. It was two thousand and twelve. I clearly understood that if it weren’t for the issue of money, we would have managed it.

There is one more nuance. This is such a thing as possession. Well, that is, how much can you generally afford to have.

Looking now at my internal capabilities and abilities, I understand that if I had borrowed another five million back then, we would have achieved the goal, realized it, realized ourselves, earned money, increased the figure and repaid the debt. And most importantly, they wouldn’t quarrel and break up.

Does it sound scary?

Few people think like that.

I didn’t have enough gunpowder and self-confidence then, although later I saw a lot of examples of people not giving up and winning.

Do you know why I was hysterical, why I panicked?

My cousin was killed in St. Petersburg the year before. He was only forty, an entrepreneur, husband and father of a small son, he fell under someone’s hand, and I don’t even know what happened there.

My mother constantly reminded me of Vita. For her, my move to the City of Broken Lanterns turned out to be a huge stress. And we both succumbed to the influence.

Every time we talked on the phone, she told me: “Be careful.”

And she is a mother, you can understand her, but it is completely unimportant to synchronize with her emotionally.

If I hadn’t tried to prove to her then that Peter was safe, I would have looked at things more soberly.

I would buy an expensive suit, a car, and visit investors looking for investments in my incredible talent, IQ, and acumen.

Well, like many others, I gave up. Do you recognize yourself? Which one of you here has balls of steel? And who, like me, is a coward and lives according to the practice for years, afraid to stick his nose out?

Do not be afraid. I managed it anyway and went for the second approach.

I then returned Vladislav after about a month. We talked a lot, and I apologized. Girls, at such a moment, you need to realize that a man will not hear you until you apologize a thousand times. Even if you are right a hundred times, if it is actually mutual fault, do not even try to explain it to him.

Useless.

First we apologize, openly, honestly, eye to eye, then we listen to all the shortcomings, disadvantages and what infuriates him. And finally we fix it. No need to argue. That's all later. Then, when he loves you again, trusts you, when he starts to hear you again, maybe after six months or a year, you will begin to express your point of view on the events that happened, gently and reasonably, gradually, not at once.

This trick will only work for you if you really love your man and want to be with him. You should completely forget about your grievances. For a while, of course. You can write them down in your diary so that you can return to this conversation in a year, and until then forget it.

Are you laughing? Me too. But, it worked for me twice.

We all agreed on the same debts. It was necessary to somehow resolve the issue in order to live peacefully further, and only then have sex.

We listed all our debts, highlighted those that need to be paid monthly and those that we can handle. With the rest, of course, not creditors, we agreed that we would return it no earlier than in a year or two.

And they started working. My husband found a profitable business and I joined. After two years, we actually paid off all our debts and bought a car. They also started investing in charity again.