Funny Children's Stories. Bilingual Edition

 “Hello donkey.” “Goodbye donkey.” “Whip the donkey.” Everything is easy. The boy who is “it” positions himself the same way as in Leap Over: bent over, with his hands resting on his knees. The only difference is that in Donkey he is turned to you sideways.

The first difficulty occurs when you spur the donkey. You shout, “Spur the donkey!” And as you are leaping over him, in mid air, you have to smack his behind with your foot. Not everyone can do that.

Then the next obstacle: “Load the donkey.” Here it is especially difficult to be the last one to leap over. Because all boys have already put their caps on the back of the donkey. And some of them are barely staying on top. And now you have to put another cap on the back and leap over the donkey so that none of the caps falls off.

And there is another one: “Unload the donkey.” Now whoever is first faces the biggest difficulty. The rest is pretty simple: “To America – for gold,” “From America – with crap.”

And only at the very end, when we shout “Aim, Load, Fire,” then the one who is “it” may be “fired” in such way that he will not be happy at all.

“Aim” is when the one who is “it” is turned to the spot to which he should fall. “Load” – this is clear. Before “Fire,” there may be “Check fuse,” which is also clear. And then comes – “Fire.” Here we hit the behind of the guy who is “it” with our behind. And if an older boy does that, he can send “it” flying pretty far.

When Mom heard about all these “To America – for gold” and “From America – with crap,” she told Dad that she had thought that everyone respected Americans. But then she realized that everyone hated them.

And Dad said that actually, both were true. He said that it was a Russian tradition to treat Americans with a reverent hostility.

Older boys do not play Donkey often. And even if they play it once in a while, then afterwards they go back to playing Leap Over.

Some of our boys do not play Leap Over not because they are afraid to hurt themselves but because of their clothes. If you rip your uniform, you will have to go to school in the ripped uniform for many months until it is too small for you. And some have to wear it even afterwards.

Last week, one of our boys changed after school. He put on his gym uniform. I mean he put on the clothes we wear during gym class. And since he played Leap Over all day long, he ripped his gym uniform so much that it needed major repairs.

Next day we had gym class. And the boy who tore his gym uniform told our PE teacher that he could not go to class because he did not have his uniform. To be more accurate, he, for some reason, lied a little and said that he forgot his uniform at home.

The PE teacher made him undress. But it had become really cold outside in literally just one day. And the boy had to do all the exercises in his underpants. I must say that our boys did not laugh at him. And the girls did not even look at him.

I did not laugh either. I just kept thinking, what if that had happened to me. I mean, what if I had forgotten my uniform at home. And because of these thoughts, I became so scared that I was pretty far from wanting to laugh.

At home I told my mom that from that moment on, every evening before gym class, I would hang the bag with my uniform on the door so as to not forget to take it with me to school in the morning. And I thought that I was beginning to have a kind of reverent hostility for the bag with my uniform.

But my mom liked that I suggested hanging the bag with my uniform on the door. And I heard her telling Dad that at last the child was beginning to show some sense of responsibility.

 

Этюд Крейслера

Когда я беру скрипку в руки, мне всегда хочется пойти в туалет. Но не потому, что мне не нравится играть на скрипке. Мне нравится играть на скрипке. Очень нравится. Ну, то есть моя

мама считает, что мне очень нравится играть на скрипке. Она говорит, что это большое, огромное удовольствие.

Ну, на самом-то деле – это большое удовольствие, когда человек хорошо играет. А у меня пока ещё

не очень хорошо получается. То есть, конечно, гораздо лучше, чем когда я по пустым струнам смычком водил. У меня тогда голова начинала кружиться. Меня тошнило, и я даже как-то в обморок упал. А сейча

с уже не так противно получается.

Но почему-то никто не понимает, как люди учатся играть. Когда к нам гости приходят, то каждый раз кто-нибудь из них обязательно обо мне вспомнит и попросит сыграть на скрипке.

Они, наверное, ду

мают, что я им «Цыганские напевы» или «Чардаш» Монти должен сыграть. А я не могу им сыграть «Цыганские напевы» и не могу сыграть «Чардаш». Я могу только принести пюпитр, поставить на него ноты и сыграть что-нибудь скучное.