Lilian Jackson Braun - Cat 14 Who Wasn't There

"The line is the equivalent of twelve blocks long!" "Would you like to come over to the barn for a drink or a cup of coffee?" "I'd sure like to see your barn. I'm parked in the theatre lot." After he picked up his tin whistle from his car, they started out on foot through the woods.

"A hundred years ago," Qwilleran explained, "this barn serviced a large apple orchard." "Larry told me about the murder in the orchard following a Theatre Club party. That was quite a story!" "That was quite a party! Have you been lucky enough to plug into the Pickax grapevine?" "I'm not a full subscriber yet. I think I'm on probation." "The barn was used for storing apples and pressing cider originally, and even after it was renovated we could smell apples in certain weather. The orchard suffered a blight at one time, and the dead wood has been removed, but when the wind blows through the remaining trees, it sounds like a harmonica and frightens the cats." "How many do you have?" Dwight asked.

"Two cats.

Forty-seven trees." Dwight was properly impressed by the octagonal shape of the barn and the interior system of ramps and balconies surrounding the central fireplace cube. The Siamese, who usually disappeared when a stranger entered, did him the honor of approaching within ten feet, and Koko struck a pose like an Egyptian bronze.

"Beautiful animals," said the visitor.

"I used to have a Siamese--which enough I was married. Why is the little one staring at me like that?" "She's fascinated by your beard. She likes beards, moustaches, toothbrushes, hair brushes--was Qwilleran said.

"What'll you have to drink?" "It's early. Make it coffee." While they waited for the promising gurgle of the computerized coffeemaker, Qwilleran asked, "What brought you to Moose County, Dwight? Most people don't even know it exists." "To tell the truth, I'd never heard of it until the placement agency sent me up here. The company I worked for in Des Moines merged with another, and I was out sourced XYZ Enterprises was looking for a PR rep who could contribute to the community in some useful way and improve their corporate image, which is pretty grim right now." "I know. Developers frighten people.

The general public doesn't like to see changes in the landscape, for better or worse." "That's the truth! My chief asset was that I'd acted and directed in community theatre, so here I am, and I like it! Never thought I'd like living in a small town." "This is not your average small town," Qwilleran pointed out as he served the coffee.

"I can see that! Our basic idea is to make our presence felt in a positive way through participation. For example, we're collaborating with the hospital auxiliary on the first annual Distinguished Women Awards next Friday. A couple of your friends are on the list." "How's the play shaping up?" "On the whole I'm pleased with it. Wally To.whistle built some fabulous sets out of junk. Fran Brodie designed the costumes, and Wally's mother is making them.

Fran is co director--a very talented girl! Attractive, too--with those race-horse legs! Has she ever been married?" "I don't think so.

Do you know she designed the interior of this barn?" Dwight glanced at the square-cut contemporary furniture, the Moroccan rugs, the large-scale tapestries.

"She did a great job! She did Melinda's apartment, too. That girl must have spent a mint on it!" "Melinda has expensive tastes." Dwight had put his tin whistle on the coffee table, and Yum Yum was stalking it. With her body close to the floor she was creeping in slow motion toward the shiny black tube. Just before she pounced, Qwilleran shouted a sharp "No!" and she slunk away backwards as slowly as she had advanced.

"She'll steal anything that weighs less than two ounces," he explained.

Dwight said, "I brought the whistle to get your opinion, Qwill. I'm going to tape some weird tunes to play during the witches' scenes." He picked up the whistle and tootled some wild, shrill notes that sent Koko and Yum Yum hurtling up the ramp and out of sight, with their ears back and their tails bushed.

"I think you've hit it right," Qwilleran said.

"Even the cats' hair is standing on end... How did your Macduff turn out?" "Better than I expected, especially in his scene with Macbeth. When he has Larry to bounce off, he's really with it.

Larry is a superb actor." "And Lady Macbeth?" "Well..." the director said with hesitation.

"I have to tell you her performance is erratic. At one rehearsal she really gets inside the character, and the next night she seems diffused. Frankly, I'm disappointed.

She says she hasn't been sleeping well." "Do you think she's worrying about something?" Qwilleran asked, smoothing his moustache.

"I don't know. Another thing. She doesn't take direction very well," Dwight complained.