My Secret Life

“Let's do it to you.” “I won't.” “You've been fucked.” “I ain't, — I am only fifteen years old (she did not affect ignorance of my meaning), leave me alone.” I threw her down, and got my hand up her clothes. She loudly screamed, and that is all I recollect clearly; I know that I struggled with her, offered her money, told her I knew her sister had been fucked, and a lot more. I was so much stronger that she had no chance, I rolled over her, she screamed, and screamed again (there was no one nearer than the Hall), I exposed her bum, her thighs, her cunt, and all she had. I was furious with lust, determined to have her; at last she was under me, panting, breathless, crying, and saying, “Now don't, — oh ! pray don't”, but I lunged fast, furiously, brutally, and all I heard was, “oh! pray,-pray now, — oh !—oh !—oh I pray”, as I was spending in her holding her tight, kissing her after I had forced her. Her tears ran down. If I had not committed a rape it looked uncommonly like one, and began to think so as I lay with my prick up her.

I got off her, saw for an instant her legs wide open, cunt and thighs wet and bloody, she crying, sobbing, rubbing her eyes. I was now in a complete funk, I had heard field-women so light spoken of, that they were so accessible, that I expected only to go up a road that had often been travelled. This resistance and crying upset me, the more so when at length rising, she said, “I'll tell my sister, and go to the magistrate, and tell how you have served me out.”

I really had violated her, saw that it would bear that complexion before a magistrate, so would not let her go, but retained her, coaxed, begged, and promised her money. I would love her, longed for her again, would take her from the fields, and every other sort of nonsense a man would utter under the circumstances. She ceased crying, and stood in sullen mood as I held her, asking me to let her go. I took out my purse, and offered her money which she would not take, but eyed wishfully as I kept chinking the gold in my hand. What a temptation bright sovereigns must have been to a girl who earned ninepence a day, and often was without work at all.

In an hour and a half I suppose, old Smith came back, he had really got a parcel for her to take. She began to cry, and blurted out that the gentleman had insulted her. “What, has he kissed you?” “More than that, — boo hoo.” “What has he done?” “Been dirty with me, — and I'll tell my sister, and go to the justice.”

“Pough child”, said Smith, “he arn't done you any harm, — a gent like him, — don't make a fuss,-make it up, it's all fair yer know twixt a young man, and a maid, — daresay yer wanted him to be dirty with you, — a gent like him, you ought to be proud of sich a one making love to you,-here, take this parcel, and be off.”

“Take the sovereign (she had refused it before), I'll give you more another day; it will help to keep you a while, hold your tongue, and no one will know”, said I. She hesitated, pouted, wriggled her shoulders, but at last took the sovereign, and took up the parcel, saying she would tell her sister. Then said the fore-man, “None o' that gal, an' I hears more on that, you won't work here any more, nor anywheres else in this parish,-I knows the whole lot on you, I knows who got yer sister's belly up, — she at her age, she ought to be ashamed on her-self, and I knows summut about you too, — now take care gal.” “I've done nothing to be ashamed on”, said the girl, “you're a hard man to the women, they all say so, — ohe !—ohe !” “Well there”, said he dropping his bullying tone, “the squire won't harm you ; I think you be in luck if he loikes you, say you nought;-that be my advice”. The girl muttering went her way.

I followed her (it was getting dark), was so kind and coaxing, promised her so many fine things (I'm not sure I didn't say I'd marry her), that as we neared the village, the little lass let me pull her into a convenient grassy corner, and fuck her again. She promised she'd say nothing to anyone about it.