My Secret Life

When I saw Pender again I heard that her husband had for some reason gone to *** on the Sunday she was there with me. He stayed, and took his wife home. “Did he do you?” said I. She colored up. “It be a fact he did,-it be most curious. I were hot with running, and fetched the meat from the bake-house. After dinner he said, 'Well you do look comely, you do to-day, where 'as you been?', and he pulled me on his knees, and put his hands up my clothes, — and in all my life he never had done such a thing afore in day-time. Says he, 'Lass we'll have a game at mother and father.' Said I, 'Why P., you must have been drinking,' He pulls me down on to sister's bed which were in the corner of the room, and I would not let him. He lays, 'Don't make a row, for I means it', and so I let him do it.” Such games went on until full Autumn, I was always after one or the other as fancy led, or opportunity offered; but was obliged to be more and more cunning, for fear I should be found out. Although I had heavy fucking at times, yet had good rests between. It was a jolly time, but mainly with three of the four women now. Nelly got the most of my cock at first, Sophy very soon after.

The little one in the family way had taken my fancy. I fucked her in the lane and fields, but mainly upright, the grass being now damp. One evening we went to the baudy house. I had pleasure in fucking her, but she was always crying. “Why do you meet me?” said I. “To get money to help me if they turn me out.” “When?” “When they find I am in the family way.” At last but with difficulty, I got out of her much about her seducer and give the narrative as near as I can in its order.

“Yes it is a big man, a fine, tall man, and quite a man, not old, not young. — Oh ! I dare not say who, it would be worse for me (a cry), — you won't tell Nelly,-how came you to know my sister? — do you do anything to her ? — now do tell me.” “Well tell me your history, and perhaps I will tell you about Nelly.”

“Well he got into bed with me saying, 'It's cold, -and it were, — let's lay here, it will be no harm, no one will know.' I said I would hollow, but there was no one in the house—Now I am letting out, and I won't.” She stopped, and would not tell more.

Persuasion, kisses, promises, and she answered my questions again. “He cuddled me, he was big and strong, and I could not help it; and then he pulled up my shimmy, and his shirt was up, and he put his belly close to mine.” “Then his prick was up against your belly?” “I shan't say”, said she with a modest fit, no sham. “Was it? — was it just as my prick now is?” Her story was exciting me, I pulled her belly up to mine, and my prick, a right good stiff one was between us. “I suppose it were”, said she, “I don't recollect, all seems in a muddle, he hurt me dreadful, I screamed, he put something over my mouth, and I don't know no more; but he was doing it right up, and I were hollowing, — and then I cried.”

“Are you sure you cried out?” “I hollowed I know, but I knowed there was no one to hear.” “Then you were in the house alone?” “Yes.” “What house?” “I shan't say, — Nelly is always asking, and I won't say, -you won't tell her, will you now sir, what I have told you ?”

“I don't recollect more”, she went on, “but he lay on me, oh! a long, long time.” “Not up you?” “Yes oh ! a long time.” “Did he keep on fucking?” “He kept on a doing it and stopping,-no he never pulled it out, at last I fainted or slept I suppose, for when I recollect more he was out of bed. Then he got into bed, and he did the same I can't say how many times. When it were day I said, 'Ain't you going to work?' and he said, 'No. If any one comes they will think I am gone, and if you say a word if anyone knocks I will murder you.' Then he got up, and showed me his razor, and said, 'Do you see that? — I bloody well mean it, mind.' Then he got into bed again, and he did it again.”

“Did you like it?” “I don't know, I was all pain, but I think I must at last; I was so muddled like and ill I could not move. Then he dressed and says, says he, 'If ever you tell I'll cut your bloody throat; now you say you were ill, and stopped at home from work', and he went away to his work.” I guessed she had been raped.

Another day I had Nelly, and questioned her. She said she wanted to know, but did not; she guessed, but dared not say. Sophy had said there would be murder if she told who the father was, but she guessed. She was only eleven months older than Sophy, who must have been in the family way just before she was fourteen, had had her courses when thtirteen years old, and was “hankering after the chaps” quite early. “Mother used to slap her for it.” Nelly's courses had only recently come on, she said.

Sophy although younger and slighter built, had more hair on her cunt than Nelly, and gave me the idea of being older. Neither were tall, both were larger in their thighs, haunches, and bubbies, than town girls of the same age, as far as I can recollect.