My Secret Life

I did not see nursemaid or page. “You have a new nursemaid for Joey”. said I to my aunt. “We dismissed the other, we found her to be an improper character, —and Robert has gone, — he was too big”, said she. For two or three days I could not get Pender, who MY 'SECRET LIFE looked miserable when I met her, shook her head, and looked up to the skies. I went with my mother and aunt to the farm one day, Pender for a second stopped behind, and said to me in a hurried whisper, “I am in the family way”, and then ran after my aunt.

Next day I saw her for a second. “Meet me next Sunday at * * *”. “I must”, said she. We had no opportunity of speaking before, for her husband or some one was always in the way. To make sure I next day slipped an envelope into her hand, in which was one addressed to myself, and a scribble asking her to say where I was to meet her. It came back by post containing in execrable writing the words, “My dear, same time, and place, if he be out, on Saturday night.” I did not comprehend, but waited outside her cottage that night. She did not show. On Sunday I went to ***, and long after eleven she appeared. Soon we were in the room over the beer-shop.

“I am in the family way, whatever shall I do?” I had thought over this, and replied, “Well, you have a husband, so it does not matter.” “I don't think he will believe it's his.” “He can't say it is not, and will be proud of it.” “That may be true, I did not think of that”, said she, and until I had fucked her I learn't no more.

I referred to the change in the servants at the Hall. “Oh !” said Pender eagerly, “there has been a row; do you recollect the nursemaid?-well they saw her feeling—hoh ! hoh !” — she burst out laughing, — “feeling the page's thing,-hoh ! ho ! ho !” “Feeling his prick?” “Yes, — ho ! ho ! ho !-and Missus turned her and page out the same night,-ho ! ho ! ho !” laughed Pender. “She was a dirty hussy.” “Why?” “Why a woman like that to be taking liberties with a boy like that, a hobble-de-hoy; poor Molly told me that one day when he came here he pulled out his thing before her.” “What, Molly?” said I, thinking the young girl had had manifold temptations. “Yes, poor thing.” “Why poor thing?” “Well I am sorry for her; I told Missus about the young squire as you told me, and Missus told her mother to look sharp after her, — and so she did, and found that she used to get out of a night and meet Giles,-you know Giles?” “No I don't”, said I lying. “He works here sometimes, you must have seen him”, said Pender. “No.” “Well he works here, is a likely young chap, but Molly's mother hates him, —well she watched and watched, till one night she caught them, and him on top of her in the large barn, —he had got through the wicket on the far-yard wicket.” “How could she do that?” Pender explained to me what I knew perfectly well.

“On the top of her?” “Yes they were a doing it, —and she hit him hard on the head with a stick, and nearly stunned him before they knew she were there.” “Who hit?” “Why her mother, he were nearly insensible.

“Then Mrs. Brown asked me what to do, and I said he had better marry her, and she said he should not. So she went to Missus, asked her advice, and on account of Molly's character to say nothing about finding Giles taking liberties with her daughter. Missus said Giles at the end of the week was to be sent off, —and he's gone. Mrs. Brown scarcely lets Molly out of the house, and when I sees her I laughs to myself. That a young thing like that has had it done to her. Her mother told me you know, — I have sworn to tell nobody, but I don't mind telling you.” “She has seen two pricks”, said I, “page Robert's and Giles' ”. “Yes she has.”

I wondered whether he had spent when he felt the stick on his head. “I think he had”, said she, “for Mrs. Brown said she found his stuff on her child's chemise. Every day there is a row between them, Molly says she will go to service, her mother says she shan't, and that she will turn out a bunter, and bring her in her age with sorrow to the grave. Poor thing.”

“Pugh”, said I, “why make such a fuss about such a natural action?” “Well it be natural”, said Pender, “but she might have waited, she is very young.”

In the family way Pender was, and by me, — of that I had no doubt. Pender thought it was done the first time I had her in the rick-yard. 'Did he not do it about that time?” I asked. Pender hesitated, and on being pressed to reply at length said, “It's funny, I am always thinking about it, but it is a fact that he did it that very night; and when you have done it, he generally do it also that night. I can't account for its can't abear him to do it when you have, — can't abear his doing it at all now, and he does it more than he used.” “You spend with him?” “I don't, — I hate him then, I hate him altogether since I have known you.”