The Little Lady of the Big House / Маленькая хозяйка большого дома. Книга для чтения на английском языке

“That was loyalty to me, yes, and loyalty to yourself,” Dick explained. “You were mine until I ceased being the greatest man in the world. He then became the greatest man in the world.”

She shook her head.

“Let me try to solve it for you,” he continued. “You don’t know your mind, your desire. You can’t decide between us because you equally want us both?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “Only, rather, differently want you both.”

“Then the thing is settled,” he concluded shortly.

“What do you mean?”

“This, Paula. I lose. Graham is the winner. Don’t you see. Here am I, even with him, even and no more, while my advantage over him is our dozen years together – the dozen years of past love, the ties and bonds of heart and memory. Heavens! If all this weight were thrown in the balance on Evan’s side, you wouldn’t hesitate an instant in your decision. It is the first time you have ever been bowled over in your life[543], and the experience, coming so late, makes it hard for you to realize.”

“But, Dick, you bowled me over.”

He shook his head.

“I have always liked to think so, and sometimes I have believed – but never really. I never took you off your feet, not even in the very beginning, whirlwind as the affair was. You may have been glamoured. You were never mad as I was mad, never swept as I was swept. I loved you first —”

“And you were a royal lover.”

“I loved you first, Paula, and, though you did respond, it was not in the same way. I never took you off your feet.[544] It seems pretty clear that Evan has.”

“I wish I could be sure,” she mused. “I have a feeling of being bowled over, and yet I hesitate. The two are not compatible. Perhaps I never shall be bowled over by any man. And you don’t seem to help me in the least.”

“You, and you alone, can solve it, Paula,” he said gravely.

“But if you would help, if you would try – oh, such a little, to hold me,” she persisted.

“But I am helpless. My hands are tied. I can’t put an arm to hold you. You can’t share two. You have been in his arms – ” He put up his hand to hush her protest. “Please, please, dear, don’t. You have been in his arms. You flutter like a frightened bird at thought of my caressing you. Don’t you see? Your actions decide against me. You have decided, though you may not know it. Your very flesh has decided. You can bear his arms. The thought of mine you cannot bear.”

She shook her head with slow resoluteness.

“And still I do not, cannot, make up my mind,” she persisted.

“But you must. The present situation is intolerable. You must decide quickly, for Evan must go. You realize that. Or you must go. You both cannot continue on here. Take all the time in the world.[545] Send Evan away. Or, suppose you go and visit Aunt Martha for a while. Being away from both of us might aid you to get somewhere. Perhaps it will be better to call off the hunting. I’ll go alone, and you stay and talk it over with Evan. Or come on along and talk it over with him as you ride. Whichever way, I won’t be in till late. I may sleep out all night in one of the herder’s cabins. When I come back, Evan must be gone. Whether or not you are gone with him will also have been decided.”

“And if I should go?” she queried.

Dick shrugged his shoulders, and stood up, glancing at his wrist-watch.

“I have sent word to Blake to come earlier this morning,” he explained, taking a step toward the door in invitation for her to go.

At the door she paused and leaned toward him.

“Kiss me, Dick,” she said, and, afterward: “This is not a… love-touch.” Her voice had become suddenly husky. “It’s just in case I do decide to… to go.”

The secretary approached along the hall, but Paula lingered.

“Good morning, Mr. Blake,” Dick greeted him. “Sorry to rout you out so early.[546] First of all, will you please telephone Mr. Agar and Mr. Pitts. I won’t be able to see them this morning. Oh, and put the rest off till to-morrow, too. Make a point of getting Mr. Hanley. Tell him I approve of his plan for the Buckeye spillway, and to go right ahead. I will see Mr. Mendenhall, though, and Mr. Manson. Tell them nine-thirty.”

“One thing, Dick,” Paula said. “Remember, I made him stay. It was not his fault or wish. I wouldn’t let him go.”

“You’ve bowled him over right enough,” Dick smiled. “I could not reconcile his staying on, under the circumstances, with what I knew of him. But with you not permitting him to go, and he as mad as a man has a right to be where you are concerned, I can understand. He’s a whole lot better than a good sort. They don’t make many like him.[547] He will make you happy —”

She held up her hand.