William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back

O what is this dire sound I just have heard?My friend Han Solo screaming in great pain,The shrieks of man turn’d victim through my fault—My quick decision to protect myself.Yet what choice had I? Could I else have done?No person in my place would diff’rentlyBehave. No choice had I but one: to saveMyself, my interests, and my belov’dCloud City from a dark and awful fate.Yet ever shall my soul be haunted byThese dismal howls of my old friend, unlessI can find some way to make recompense.But how shall that e’er be whilst Vader’s threatsDo cast their shadows o’er my ev’ry move?I know not how, but yet it must be so.I shall—belike with loyal Lobot’s help—Discover yet a way to make this right,And save myself from a betrayer’s name!

EnterLOBOT, DARTH VADER, andBOBA FETT.

VADER

[to Boba Fett:] Thou mayst take Captain Solo and transportHim unto Jabba once Skywalker hasArriv’d and captur’d been. Say, is this clear?

FETT

’Tis, my Lord. But Solo is no good to me, should he be dead upon delivery. He hath been tortur’d severely in this last hour. ’Tis well, but I prithee do not kill the man ere I deliver him to Jabba.

VADER

No harm beyond undoing shall he bear.

LANDO

Lord Vader, do I comprehend this fully—Thou shalt surrender Han unto this man,This bounty hunter here? So what is next?I prithee, tell me: what shall happen toBoth Leia and the Wookiee?

VADER

—Never shallThey leave this city.

LANDO

—This doth push the boundsToo far! Imprisonment was never aCondition of the bargain we did make,And ’twas not in the plan to hand o’er HanUnto this bounty hunter!

VADER

—Mayhap thouDost think thou hast unfairly treated been?

LANDO

[aside:] A threat is in his voice and aspect. [To Vader:]Nay,For I shall model flexibility.

VADER

’Tis well. ’Twould be a pity should I feelIt necessary to retain a fullAnd armor’d garrison in Bespin. [To Boba Fett:] Come!

[Exeunt Darth Vader and Boba Fett.

LANDO

He orders what he will sans sense or rhyme—This deal is worse becoming all the time!

LOBOT

...

[Exeunt.

Scene 5.

Bespin, the cloud city.

EnterCHEWBACCA, with C-3PO’s parts.

CHEWBAC.

Auugh.

C-3PO

[being reconnected:]—Stormtroopers? In Bespin? I am shot!

[Chewbacca disconnects C-3PO and tries to reconnect him again.

CHEWBAC.

Egh!

C-3PO

—O, ’tis better! That is quite improv’d.But hold, for something is not right: my eyes—I cannot see.

[Chewbacca adjusts C-3PO.

Now that is mended, aye.Yet wait, I now am backward—head is backAnd front’s reverse and all has gone awry!Is this a Wookiee’s notion of a joke?Thou stupid, senseless beast!

CHEWBAC.

[laughing:]—Gihut, gihut!

C-3PO

Thou furball wretched! Mophead ignorant!

[Chewbacca switches off C-3PO.