William Shakespeare's The Empire Striketh Back

How goes it with thee, chuck? O verily,Thou dost look well to me. In faith, thou seem’stE’en strong enough, I’ll warr’nt, to pull the earsFrom off a gundark.

LUKE

—Truly, thanks to thee.

HAN

Now thou dost owe me two good turns, my friend.[To Leia:] Indeed, Your Worship, well have you conspir’dTo keep me in thy presence longer.

LEIA

—Fie!’Twas not my doing. Gen’ral Rieekan dothBelieve that it is still too dangerousFor any ship to leave the system, aye—

E’en thy belov’d Millenn’um Falcon—tillThe shield of energy is active.

HAN

—Ha!A cloth of fiction thou dost weave, yet IHave found the fatal error in thy stitch:For I believe thou wouldst not let a manSo beautiful as I depart from thee.

LEIA

The only stitch I know is in my side,From laughing at thy pride most heartily.Thou mayst attempt to needle at my heart,But I am sewn of stronger thread than this.To say I would not let thee go—pish, pish!I know not whence thy great delusions come,Thou laser brain.

CHEWBAC.

[laughing:]—Gihut, gihut, gihut!

HAN

Aye, laugh indeed, thou fuzzball large. But thouHast not seen us alone i’ th’passage south,Where she did unto me unspool, in full,Her feelings true of fondest love for me.

LEIA

My feelings? O! Thou arrogant half-wit,Thou oversizèd child, thou friend of slime,Thou man of scruffy looks, thou who herd’st nerfs,Thou fool-born wimpled roughhewn waste of flesh!

HAN

What scruffy? Scruffy, how? Whose scruffiness?How am I all bescruff’d? [To Luke:] Belike my words

Were accurate and hit upon the mark,Since now she hath her temper lost. True, Luke?

LEIA

Thus is it plain that till thou tam’st thy tongue,No tongue of woman shalt thou comprehend.

[Leia kisses Luke at length, then exits.

CHEWBAC.

Egh, auugh, gihut!

OFFICER

[from speaker:]—All personnel reportUnto the center of command at once.

HAN

[aside:] Well hath she play’d the trump.

[To Luke:] Be thou at ease.

[Exeunt Han Solo, Chewbacca, C-3PO, and R2-D2.

LUKE

O kiss most rare, O lips from heaven sent!This is a moment I’ll not soon forget.Though I can sense her heart doth turn to Han,Still doth this kiss play tricks upon my soul.By this fair princess I have been bewitch’d—’Twas ever so since I saw her distressIn R2’s beam, a’pleading for our help.But though the lass doth move my heart to joyI ne’er would tempt her with a word too large,For shall a Jedi’s path lead t’ward romance?But this sweet kiss I’ll hold in mem’ry’s vaultAs a reminder of my noble cause:To serve rebellion and my princess kind.

[Exit Luke.