Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

SNAPE: We’ve had to move many times. Everywhere we’ve settled they destroyed. This will take us to a room hidden in the roots of the Whomping Willow.

SCORPIUS: Okay, who’s we?

SNAPE: Oh. You’ll see.

ACT THREE, SCENE SIX

CAMPAIGN ROOM

SCORPIUS is pinned to the table by a magnificent-looking HERMIONE. Her clothes faded, her eyes blazing, she is full warrior now and it rather suits her.

HERMIONE: You make one more move and your brain will be a frog and your arms will be rubber.

SNAPE: Safe. He’s safe. (Beat.) You know you never could listen. You were a terrible bore of a student and you’re a terrible bore of — whatever you are.

HERMIONE: I was an excellent student.

SNAPE: You were moderate to average. He’s on our side!

SCORPIUS: I am, Hermione.

HERMIONE

looks at

SCORPIUS

, still very distrustful.

HERMIONE: Most people know me as Granger. And I don’t believe a word you say, Malfoy —

SCORPIUS: It’s all my fault. My fault. And Albus’s.

HERMIONE: Albus? Albus Dumbledore? What’s Albus Dumbledore got to do with this?

SNAPE: He doesn’t mean Dumbledore. You may need to sit down.

RON

runs in. His hair spiked. His clothes scruffy. He is slightly less good at the rebel look than

HERMIONE

is.

RON: Snape, a royal visit, and — (he sees SCORPIUS and is immediately alarmed) what’s he doing here?

He fumbles out his wand.

I’m armed and — entirely dangerous and seriously advise you —

He realizes his wand is the wrong way around and turns it right.

To be very careful —

SNAPE: He’s safe, Ron.

RON

looks at

HERMIONE

, who nods.

RON: Thank Dumbledore for that.

ACT THREE, SCENE SEVEN

CAMPAIGN ROOM

HERMIONE is sitting studying the Time-Turner as RON tries to digest it all.

RON: So you’re telling me that the whole of history rests on . . . Neville Longbottom? This is pretty wild.

HERMIONE: It’s true, Ron.

RON: Right. And you’re sure because . . .

HERMIONE: What he knows about Snape — about all of us — there’s no way he could . . .

RON: Maybe he’s a really good guesser?

SCORPIUS: I’m not. Can you help?

RON: We’re the only ones that can. Dumbledore’s Army has shrunk considerably since its peak. In fact, we’re pretty much all that’s left, but we’ve kept fighting on. Hiding in plain sight. Doing our best to tickle their nose hairs. Granger here is a wanted woman. I’m a wanted man.

SNAPE (dryly): Less wanted.

HERMIONE: To be clear: In this other world . . . ? Before you meddled?

SCORPIUS: Voldemort is dead. Killed in the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry is Head of Magical Law Enforcement. You’re Minister for Magic.

HERMIONE

stops, surprised by this, she looks up with a smile.

HERMIONE: I’m Minister for Magic?

RON (wanting to join the fun): Brilliant. What do I do?

SCORPIUS: You run Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes.

RON: Okay, so, she’s Minister for Magic and I run a — joke shop?

SCORPIUS

looks at

RON

’s hurt face.

SCORPIUS: You’re mostly focused on bringing up your kids.

RON: Great. I expect their mother is hot.

SCORPIUS (blushing): Well . . . Um . . . Depends what you think of . . . The thing is, you two sort of have kids — together. A daughter and a son.

The two look up, astonished.

Married. In love. Everything. You were shocked the other time too. When you were Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and Ron was married to Padma. You’re

constantly

surprised by it.

HERMIONE

and

RON

both look at each other and then look away. And then

RON

looks back.

RON

clears his throat repeatedly. With less conviction each time.

HERMIONE: Close your mouth when you’re looking at me, Weasley.

RON

does so. Though he remains discombobulated.

And — Snape? What does Snape do in this other world?

SNAPE: I’m dead, presumably.

He looks at

SCORPIUS

, whose face drops.

SNAPE

smiles thinly.

You were a little too surprised to see me. How?

SCORPIUS: Bravely.

SNAPE: Who?

SCORPIUS: Voldemort.

SNAPE: How very irritating.

There’s a silence as

SNAPE

digests.

Still, there’s glory in being taken down by the Dark Lord himself, I suppose.

HERMIONE: I’m sorry, Severus.

SNAPE

looks at her, and then swallows the pain. He indicates

RON