Funny Children's Stories. Bilingual Edition

Меня Антон этому научил. И он мне сказал: «Учти – либо ты их, ли

бо они тебя».

И когда мне удалось как-то такое сделать, я по

нял, что мне теперь ничего не страшно. Теперь я сделаю всё, что захочу. Абсолю

тно всё. Потому что нет на свете ничего труднее, чем отводить в бесконечный шта

ндер в нашем дворе, когда тебе только ещё двенадцать лет.

Endless

 “Freeze!”

Closer to summer time, the streets begin to dry from snow and rain, and we can play many different games. Girls love to play Jump Rope, with one rope and with two. They play Hide and Seek, Tag, and Freeze Tag. But I never look at what the girls play and how they play.

And if I happen to see them play, I immediately walk away because I have no interest in their games. If I were interested in that, I would be teased mercilessly and that would be pretty much the end of my life in our yard. That is why I am not interested in what and how they play.

But they are always playing. They love to play different games with a ball: Dodgeball and “Freeze!” They love Hopscotch and another game similar to Hopscotch, one that I could never understand.

But we have our own games. And all of them are pretty brutal. If you are “it” for the first time, it is very likely that you will be “it” for a long time. Maybe even several hours in a row. And you cannot just quit. If you do not get out of being “it” but just quit and run home, then you will be teased for at least a few days. Other boys would shout at you, “Are you out, ugly snout?” and other things like that.

And they might even beat you up. Someone might sneak up on you from behind and throw some rag over your head. And then everyone would start to beat you and then run away. And you would not even know who did that to you.

But it is very difficult to get out of being “it.” Say, you are “it” in Twelve Sticks. Even if you have knocked out seven of the guys and only have the last one, the eighth, left to knock down, all your hard work could be good for nothing in a minute. And you know this, and you are afraid to go far from the board with the sticks.

But everyone starts to yell, “Don’t sit down, go to town!” But just as you move away slightly, this last one, the eighth guy, jumps out from the nearest driveway and knocks over all of your twelve sticks.

And the board with sticks was intentionally placed on top of a small wedge, making a sort of a lever. All the sticks lie on the long end of board. The one who is breaking up the sticks stomps with his foot onto the short end of the board. Because the short end of the board is really very short, the sticks fly very far away. And then you have to pick them all up, put them back onto the board, and then search for everyone again.

Sometimes things turn out to be very frustrating. You notice in a hallway someone wearing a familiar hat. And you know that it is Peter’s hat. So you run quickly, happy to knock Peter out. But suddenly, it turns out that it is not Peter but another guy who is wearing Peter’s hat, trying to deceive you on purpose.

And they all start to yell, “You are wrong! Bye! So long!” And this not-Peter calmly goes up to the board and breaks up all of your twelve sticks. So you have to collect all the sticks and search for everyone again.

Actually, out of all our games where you have to hide, I like to play Cops and Robbers the most. The only bad thing is that the rules are somewhat unclear.

First, it is not clear where you are allowed to hide. It is only when it comes to Hide and Seek and Twelve Sticks then we have a clear-cut rule to only hide “within the yard.” But for Cops and Robbers, there is no such rule. And since there is no such rule, you can go so far that no one will ever find you.

Second, it is not very clear why the ones who are hiding have to draw arrows showing where they are hiding. Third, when they have caught you and start torturing you in order to find out the password, it is unclear to what extent they can torture you and what is going to happen if you tell them the wrong password.

Also, it is unclear when this game actually ends. And because there are many things that are unclear in this game, the rules change all the time. And I do not like when rules change all the time.

Once, when we were playing Cops and Robbers and we were hiding, we took the tram to get further away. I did not even have a chance to sit down before the conductor hit me on the head with a broom. And my hat fell out onto the pavement.

Conductors do not like it when kids get on the tram because they often do not pay for the ride. I actually always pay, but the conductor, of course, had no way of knowing that.