Funny Children's Stories. Bilingual Edition

And so I had to get off at the next stop, walk back, and try to find my hat. It turned out that a policeman picked it up. He asked me how it happened that my hat ended up on the pavement. And I said that the conductor knocked it off with her broom. Then the policeman said that because of my bad behavior, he would take me to the school.

And he did take me to the school, right to the school’s assistant principal. And the assistant principal expelled me from school straight away. So Mom had to come to school and sort things out. And afterwards I was allowed to go back to school. But Mom said that she did not like our Cops and Robbers and that I better not leave the yard.

And one of our toughest games is endless “Freeze!” In endless “Freeze!” there is even a greater chance of being “it” for a long time than in Twelve Sticks. In regular “Freeze!” which girls play, you can easily tag someone with a ball. But this is nearly impossible in endless “Freeze!” Because all the boys play with shields and strike your ball away with their bats. And by the time you catch the ball again and yell out “Freeze!” everyone is already standing about thirty meters away from you covered by their shields.*

Only girls have a rule that when you yell out “Freeze!” everyone has to freeze on the spot. Girls even try to freeze in weird and funny poses. It is fun for them.

But it is not fun for us. If you are “it,” everyone wants to freeze in the most ready-for-battle position.

Even if you yelled “Freeze!” when someone’s back was turned to you, this someone, in a split second, would turn to face you and cover himself with a shield. For us, this is considered normal. Well, I mean, it is like part of the rules.

And it is not easy to go through this wall of shields. Especially because everyone is older than you are. Because it always turns out, naturally, that the youngest is always “it.”

Nevertheless, it is possible to get out of being “it” in endless “Freeze!” But you have to throw the ball at no one in particular. You need to throw it over all the shields and above everyone’s heads. And you have to pretend that you have become absolutely furious and mad. As if you are completely out of your mind. And you have to start yelling something wild and crazy, “Yee-aaa! Son ooofff. Yuuu, aaall of youuu!”

And even this is not enough. Because if you are just pretending that you are out of your mind, nothing is going to happen. You must really be out of your mind.

And you have to run for the ball without stopping. And if you see that someone is going to strike the ball away with his bat, you have to try and catch the ball anyway. And if the guy with the bat was ahead of you and kicked the ball, you should not look to see how far the ball went. Chances are it did not go very far. And you, without stopping or thinking about anything, have to run for the ball again. And the most important thing is that you must yell, yell, yell, and yell.

Anton taught me this. He told me, “Know this, either you get them or they get you.”

And when I finally succeeded, I realized there was nothing left for me to fear. Now I can do anything I want. Absolutely anything. Because there is nothing in the world that is more difficult than to get out of being “it” while playing endless “Freeze!” in our yard when you are only twelve.

 

Платяной шкаф

Мы были на Украине летом в прошлом году. Хотя сначала мама с папой хотели, чтобы мы поехали на море. Но потом выяснилось, что там получится всё намного доро

же. Мама сказала, что, самое главное, там питаться придётся по столовкам. И что эта еда не для ребёнка. И что в этих столовках даже здоровый мужик может заработать себе язву желудка.

Мама сказала па

пе, что вообще не видит никакого смысла ехать на море. Но папа ей ответил, что она так говорит потому, что никогда на море не была.

Я тоже никогда не видел моря и поэтому спросил у папы, что там такого осо

бенного и чем море лучше обыкновенной речки. И папа сказал, что не знает, как мне объяснить, но море – это море. С речкой его сравнивать нельзя. И он обязательно как-нибудь отправит нас с мамой на море.

Мы поехали на Украину с ма

миной знакомой, тётей Тамарой, которая тоже решила вывезти на лето туда своего сына. Тётя Тамара сказала маме, что она понимает по-украински, и обещала помочь нам, если мы там ничего понимать не будем.