Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

HARRY: There’s a map. It used to be used for those wanting to get up to no good. Now we’re going to use it to keep an eye — a permanent eye — on you. Professor McGonagall will watch your every movement. Any time you are seen together — she’ll come flying — any time you attempt to leave Hogwarts — she’ll fly. I expect you to go to your lessons — none of which you will now share with Scorpius, and between times, you will stay in the Gryffindor common room!

ALBUS: You can’t make me go into Gryffindor! I’m Slytherin!

HARRY: Don’t play games, Albus, you know what House you are. If she finds you with Scorpius, I will fix you with a spell which will allow me eyes and ears into your every movement, your every conversation. In the meantime, investigations will begin in my department as to his true heritage.

ALBUS (starting to cry): But, Dad — you can’t — that’s just not . . .

HARRY: I thought for a long time I wasn’t a good enough dad for you because you didn’t like me. It’s only now I realize that I don’t need you to like me, I need you to obey me because I’m your dad and I do know better. I’m sorry, Albus. It has to be this way.

ACT TWO, SCENE NINE

HOGWARTS, STAIRCASE

ALBUS pursues HARRY across the stage.

ALBUS: What if I run? I’ll run.

HARRY: Albus, get back in bed.

ALBUS: I’ll run away again.

HARRY: No. You won’t.

ALBUS: I will — and this time I’ll make sure Ron can’t find us.

RON: Do I hear my name?

RON

enters on a staircase, his side parting now super-aggressive, his robes just a little bit too short, his clothes now spectacularly staid.

ALBUS: Uncle Ron! Thank Dumbledore. If ever we needed one of your jokes it’s now . . .

RON

frowns, confused.

RON: Jokes? I don’t know any jokes.

ALBUS: Of course you do. You run a joke shop.

RON (now supremely confused): A joke shop? Well now. Anyway I’m pleased I caught you. I was going to bring some sweets — for a, uh, sort of, a, get well soon, but, uh . . . Actually Padma — she thinks about things a lot more — deeply — than I do — and she thought it’d be nicer for you to get something useful for school. So we got you a — set of quills. Yes. Yes. Yes. Look at these bad boys. Top of the range.

ALBUS: Who’s Padma?

HARRY

frowns at

ALBUS

.

HARRY: Your aunt.

ALBUS: I have an Aunt Padma?

RON (to

HARRY): Taken a Confundus Charm to the head, has he? (To ALBUS.) My wife, Padma. You remember. Talks slightly too close to your face, smells a bit minty. (Leans in.) Padma, mother of Panju! (To HARRY.) That’s why I’m here, of course. Panju. He’s in trouble again. I wanted to just send a Howler but Padma insisted I come in person. I don’t know why. He just laughs at me.

ALBUS: But . . . you’re married to Hermione.

Beat.

RON

doesn’t understand this at all.

RON: Hermione. No. Nooooo. Merlin’s beard.

HARRY: Albus has also forgotten that he was sorted into Gryffindor. Conveniently.

RON: Yes, well, sorry, old chap, but you’re a Gryffindor.

ALBUS: But how did I get sorted into Gryffindor?

RON: You persuaded the Sorting Hat, don’t you remember? Panju bet you that you couldn’t get into Gryffindor if your life depended on it, so you chose Gryffindor to spite him. I can’t blame you, (dry) we’d all like to wipe the smile off his face sometimes, wouldn’t we? (Terrified.) Please don’t tell Padma I said that.

ALBUS: Who’s Panju?

RON

and

HARRY

stare at

ALBUS

.

RON: Bloody hell, you’re really not yourself, are you? Anyway, better go, before I’m sent a Howler myself.

He stumbles on, not even an inch of the man he was.

ALBUS: But that doesn’t . . . make sense.

HARRY: Albus, whatever you’re feigning, it isn’t working. I will not change my mind.

ALBUS: Dad, you have two choices, either you take me to —

HARRY: No, you’re the one with the choice, Albus. You do this, or you get in deeper, much deeper trouble — do you understand?

SCORPIUS: Albus? You’re okay. That’s fantastic.

HARRY: He’s completely cured. And we’ve got to go.

ALBUS

looks up at

SCORPIUS

and his heart breaks. He walks on.

SCORPIUS: Are you mad at me? What’s going on?

ALBUS

stops and turns to

SCORPIUS

.

ALBUS: Did it work? Did any of it work?

SCORPIUS: No . . . But, Albus —

HARRY: Albus. Whatever gibberish you’re talking, you need to stop it, now. This is your final warning.

ALBUS

looks torn between his dad and his friend.

ALBUS: I can’t, okay?

SCORPIUS: You can’t what?

ALBUS: Just — we’ll be better off without each other, okay?

SCORPIUS

is left looking up after him. Heartbroken.

ACT TWO, SCENE TEN

HOGWARTS, HEADMISTRESS’S OFFICE