Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: Mischief managed.

There’s a rattling.

The whole stage seems to vibrate.

GINNY

is the first through the fireplace, and then

HARRY

.

GINNY: Professor, I can’t say that ever gets more dignified.

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: Potter. You’re back. And you seem to have finally ruined my carpet.

HARRY: I need to find my son. We need to.

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: Harry, I’ve considered this and decided I want no part of it. Whatever you threaten, I —

HARRY: Minerva, I come here in peace, not war. I should never have spoken to you that way.

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: I just don’t think I can interfere in friendships and I believe —

HARRY: I need to say sorry to you and sorry to Albus, will you give me that chance?

DRACO

arrives behind them with a bang of soot.

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: Draco?

DRACO: He needs to see his son, and I need to see mine.

HARRY: Like I say — peace — not war.

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL

studies his face; she sees the sincerity she needs to see. She takes the map back out of her pocket. She opens it up.

PROFESSOR McGONAGALL: Well, peace is certainly something I can be part of.

She taps it with her wand.

(Sighs.)

I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good.

The map is lit into action.

Well, they are together.

DRACO: In the girls’ bathroom on the first floor. What on earth would they be doing there?

ACT TWO, SCENE NINETEEN

HOGWARTS, GIRLS’ BATHROOM

SCORPIUS and ALBUS enter a bathroom. In the center of it is a large Victorian sink.

SCORPIUS: So let me get this right — the plan is Engorgement . . .

ALBUS: Yes. Scorpius, that soap, if you may . . .

SCORPIUS

fishes a soap out of the sink.

Engorgio.

He fires a bolt from his wand across the room. The soap blows up to four times its size.

SCORPIUS: Nice. Consider me engorgimpressed.

ALBUS: The second task was the lake task. They had to retrieve something which was stolen from them, which turned out to be —

SCORPIUS: — people they loved.

ALBUS: Cedric used a Bubble-Head Charm to swim through the lake. All we do is follow him in there and use Engorgement to turn him into something rather larger. We know the Time-Turner doesn’t give us long, so we’re going to be quick. Get to him and Engorgio his head and watch him float out of the lake — away from the task — away from the competition . . .

SCORPIUS: But — you still haven’t told me how we’re going to actually get to the lake . . .

And then suddenly a jet of water emerges from the sink — and after it ascends a very wet

MOANING MYRTLE

.

MOANING MYRTLE: Whoa. That feels good. Never used to enjoy that. But when you get to my age, you take what you can . . .

SCORPIUS: Of course — you’re a genius — Moaning Myrtle . . .

MOANING MYRTLE

swoops down onto

SCORPIUS

.

MOANING MYRTLE: What did you call me? Do I moan? Am I moaning now? AM I? AM I?

SCORPIUS: No, I didn’t mean . . .

MOANING MYRTLE: What’s my name?

SCORPIUS: Myrtle.

MOANING MYRTLE: Exactly — Myrtle. Myrtle Elizabeth Warren — a pretty name — my name — no need for the moaning.

SCORPIUS: Well . . .

MOANING MYRTLE (she giggles): It’s been a while. Boys. In my bathroom. In my girls’ bathroom. Well, that’s not right . . . But then again, I always did have a soft spot for the Potters. And I was moderately partial to a Malfoy too. Now how can I help you pair?

ALBUS: You were there, Myrtle — in the lake. They wrote about you. There must be a way out of these pipes.

MOANING MYRTLE: I’ve been everywhere. But where specifically were you thinking?

ALBUS: The second task. The lake task. In the Triwizard Tournament. Twenty-five years ago. Harry and Cedric.

MOANING MYRTLE: Such a shame the pretty one had to die. Not that your father is not pretty — but Cedric Diggory — you’d be amazed at how many girls I had to hear doing love incantations in this very bathroom . . . And the weeping after he was taken.

ALBUS: Help us, Myrtle, help us get into that same lake.

MOANING MYRTLE: You think I can help you travel in time?

ALBUS: We need you to keep a secret.

MOANING MYRTLE: I love secrets. I won’t tell a soul. Cross my heart and hope to die. Or — the equivalent. For ghosts. You know.

ALBUS

nods at

SCORPIUS

, who reveals the Time-Turner.

ALBUS: We can travel in time. You’re going to help us travel the pipes. We’re going to save Cedric Diggory.

MOANING MYRTLE (grins): Well, that sounds like fun.