Sex with a Stranger

GRACE (not checking). No.

She looks in her bag. As she does so—

I’ll just have to go in first and check my bedroom’s cool.

ADAM. Cool.

She looks for her keys. We can sense his despair.

So who mows the grass? Does the lady upstairs do that as well?

She ignores him. She looks in her bag. She then stops and looks up at him.

GRACE. Have you got condoms?

ADAM. Yeah.

GRACE. I’ve run out.

ADAM. I’ve got three.

GRACE. Cool.

She looks in her bag.

Blackout.

Empty stage. A beat. A young woman, RUTH, walks from stage left across the stage carrying an iron in silence. She exits stage right.

Blackout.

The club. Music so loud they have to shout above it. We can just about hear them. They can just about hear each other. Big smiles from them both throughout.

ADAM. Come outside!

GRACE (giggling). What?!

ADAM. Come outside!

GRACE. What for?!

ADAM. Come outside with me!

GRACE (giggling). Why?!

ADAM. I’ve got something I wanna show you!

GRACE. What?!

ADAM. Just come outside and you’ll see!

GRACE. What?!

ADAM. I’ve got something I want to show you!

Blackout.

GRACE’s flat. GRACE and

ADAM are hushedly, hysterically laughing, bent double, trying not to make any noise. They shush each other, which only makes them laugh more. They laugh and laugh and shush and shush.

Blackout.

GRACE’s flat. The hallway. They’re still hysterical, giggling but having to hush themselves. They speak in whispers through their laughter.

ADAM. Are you gonna tell him?

GRACE. I don’t know! I might have to…

ADAM. Grace!

She laughs even more.

Blackout.

GRACE’s flat again. They’re still laughing and whispering through the hysterics.

ADAM. You should’ve told me it was there!

GRACE. I didn’t expect you to—

ADAM. Shsh!

GRACE. I didn’t expect you to tread on it!

ADAM (loud). It was a mistake!

She shushes him. They laugh again.

Don’t you shush me!

He grabs her.

Blackout.

Outside the club. Music comes from inside the club. He snogs her cold, hard, up against a wall.

Blackout.

Silence and empty stage.

RUTH comes on with an ironing board. She unfolds its legs, having trouble making them remain up – she doesn’t quite know how the thing works. She leaves again, returns with the iron and plugs it in, allowing it to heat up. She then leaves to get ADAM’s creased shirt, places the creased shirt on an ironing board and irons it in silence. She irons it perfectly, carefully and completely. It’s ironed in real time, as long as it takes. The only sound is the sound of the iron. She lifts the shirt and looks at it, finished.

Blackout.

GRACE’s kitchen. A CD plays quietly.

GRACE. Shall we have a drink?

ADAM. Erm. I don’t know. Are you having one?

GRACE. I don’t mind. D’you want one?

ADAM. Yeah. If you do. (At something by her.) That’s nice.

GRACE. Yeah.

ADAM. For your keys?

GRACE. Yeah.

ADAM. Yeah. Good idea.

GRACE. Yeah.

A beat.

So what d’you fancy?

ADAM. What have you got?

GRACE. God… Lots of things. Pretty much everything I think. Most of it’s my flatmate’s but he won’t know. What d’you think?

ADAM. I don’t mind. I’ll have whatever you’re having.

GRACE. Something alcoholic? Non-alcoholic?

ADAM. Erm… Alcoholic? I don’t mind really.

GRACE. Okay. God. Look at it all. We could stay up all night drinking couldn’t we?

ADAM. Yeah…!

She laughs. He laughs along.

GRACE. Couldn’t we though!

ADAM. Yeah!

GRACE. I’d love to do that. Have you ever done that?

ADAM. Yeah. Once or twice.