Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

ALBUS/RON: But what if sometimes we say stuff we do mean . . . What then?

HERMIONE: Ron, now’s not the time, honestly.

ALBUS/RON: Of course it isn’t. Bye-bye, darling.

ALBUS/RON

watches her go, hopeful she’ll walk past her office and away. But of course she doesn’t. He runs to block her before she enters through her door. He blocks her once, and then blocks her again, swinging his hips to do so.

HERMIONE: Why are you blocking the entrance to my office?

ALBUS/RON: I’m not. Blocking. Anything.

She again makes for the door, he blocks her again.

HERMIONE: You are. Let me into my room, Ron.

ALBUS/RON: Let’s have another baby.

HERMIONE

tries to dodge past him.

HERMIONE: What?

ALBUS/RON: Or if not another baby, a holiday. I want a baby or a holiday and I’m going to insist on it. Shall we talk about it later, honey?

She tries to get into the room one final time, he blocks her with a kiss. It develops into quite a struggle.

Maybe with a drink in the Leaky Cauldron? Love you.

HERMIONE (relenting): If there is another stink pellet in there then Merlin won’t help you. Fine. We’re due to update the Muggles anyway.

She exits.

HARRY

exits with her.

ALBUS/RON

turns towards the door. She reenters, this time, alone.

A baby — OR — a holiday? Some days you are off the scale, you know that?

ALBUS/RON: It’s why you married me, isn’t it? My puckish sense of fun.

She exits again. He starts to open the door but again she reenters, he slams it closed.

HERMIONE: I can taste fish. I told you to stay away from those fishfinger sandwiches.

ALBUS/RON: Right you are.

She exits. He checks she’s gone and the relief floods out of him as he opens the door.

ACT ONE, SCENE NINETEEN

MINISTRY OF MAGIC, HERMIONE’S OFFICE

SCORPIUS/HARRY and DELPHI/HERMIONE are waiting on the other side of HERMIONE’s office door as ALBUS/RON enters — he slumps, exhausted.

ALBUS/RON: This is all too weird.

DELPHI/HERMIONE: You were impressive. Good blocking action.

SCORPIUS/HARRY: I don’t know whether to high-five you or frown at you for kissing your aunt about five hundred times!

ALBUS/RON: Ron’s an affectionate guy. I was trying to distract her, Scorpius. I did distract her.

SCORPIUS/HARRY: And then there’s what your dad said . . .

DELPHI/HERMIONE: Boys . . . She will be back — we don’t have long.

ALBUS/RON (to SCORPIUS/HARRY): You heard that?

DELPHI/HERMIONE: Where would Hermione hide a Time-Turner? (She looks around the room, she sees the bookcases.) Search the bookcases.

They start to search.

SCORPIUS/HARRY

looks at his friend, concerned.

SCORPIUS/HARRY: Why didn’t you tell me?

ALBUS/RON: My dad says he wishes I weren’t his son. Hardly a conversation starter, is it?

SCORPIUS/HARRY

tries to work out what to say.

SCORPIUS/HARRY: I know the — Voldemort thing isn’t — true — and — you know — but sometimes, I think I can see my dad thinking: How did I produce this?

ALBUS/RON: Still better than my dad. I’m pretty sure he spends most of his time thinking: How can I give him back?

DELPHI/HERMIONE

tries to pull

SCORPIUS/HARRY

towards the bookshelves.

DELPHI/HERMIONE: Maybe if we could concentrate on the matter at hand.

SCORPIUS/HARRY: My point is, there’s a reason we’re friends, Albus — a reason we found each other, you know? And whatever this — adventure — is about . . .

Then he spots a book on the shelf that makes him frown.

Have you seen the books on these shelves? There are some serious books here. Banned books. Cursed books.

ALBUS/RON: How to distract Scorpius from difficult emotional issues. Take him to a library.

SCORPIUS/HARRY: All the books from the Restricted Section and then some. Magick Moste Evile. Fifteenth-Century Fiends. Sonnets of a Sorcerer — that’s not even allowed in Hogwarts!

ALBUS/RON: Shadows and Spirits. The Nightshade Guide to Necromancy.

DELPHI/HERMIONE: They are quite something, aren’t they . . .