Harry Potter and the Cursed Child

RON: You never really were one for popularity, were you?

HERMIONE

shoots

RON

a withering look as she aims to hit him but

RON

jumps out of the way.

Missed.

GINNY

hits

RON

.

RON

winces.

Hit. A very solid hit.

Suddenly an owl is in the room. It swoops in low and drops a letter on

HARRY

’s plate.

HERMIONE: Bit late for an owl, isn’t it?

HARRY

opens the letter. Surprised.

HARRY: It’s from Professor McGonagall.

GINNY: What does it say?

HARRY

’s face drops.

HARRY: Ginny, it’s Albus — Albus and Scorpius — they never made it to school. They’re missing.

ACT ONE, SCENE SIXTEEN

WHITEHALL, CELLAR

SCORPIUS is squinting at a bottle.

SCORPIUS: So we just take it?

ALBUS: Scorpius, do I really need to explain to you — übergeek and Potions expert — what Polyjuice does? Thanks to Delphi’s brilliant preparation work, we are going to take this potion and be transformed, and thus disguised we will be able to enter the Ministry of Magic.

SCORPIUS: Okay, two points, one, is it painful?

DELPHI: Very — as I understand it.

SCORPIUS: Thank you. Good to know. Second point: Do either of you know what Polyjuice tastes of? Because I’ve heard it tastes of fish and if it does I will just vomit it back up. Fish doesn’t agree with me. Never has. Never will.

DELPHI: Consider us warned. (She knocks back the potion.) It doesn’t taste of fish. (She begins to transform. It’s agonizing.) Actually it tastes quite pleasant, yum. It is painful but . . . (She burps, loudly.) Take it back. There is a — slight — (She burps again, she turns into HERMIONE.) Slight — overpowering — fishy residue.

ALBUS: Okay, that’s — wow.

SCORPIUS: Double wow.

DELPHI/HERMIONE: This really doesn’t feel how I — I even sound like her! Triple wow.

ALBUS: Right. Me next.

SCORPIUS: No. No way, José. If we’re doing this, we’re doing it (he puts on a pair of familiar-looking glasses with a smile) together.

ALBUS: Three. Two. One.

They swallow.

No, that’s good.

(He’s racked with pain.)

That’s less good.

They both start to transform and it’s agonizing.

ALBUS

turns into

RON

,

SCORPIUS

into

HARRY

.

The two look at each other. There’s a silence.

ALBUS/RON: This is going to be slightly weird, isn’t it?

SCORPIUS/HARRY (full of drama — he’s really enjoying this): Go to your room. Go straight to your room. You’ve been an incredibly awful and bad son.

ALBUS/RON (with a laugh): Scorpius . . .

SCORPIUS/HARRY (tossing his cloak over his shoulder): It was your idea — I be him and you be Ron! I just want to have a little fun before I . . . (And then he burps loudly.) Okay, so that’s utterly horrible.

ALBUS/RON: You know, he hides it well, but Uncle Ron’s got a bit of a gut growing.

DELPHI/HERMIONE: We should go — don’t you think?

They emerge onto the street. They enter a telephone box. They dial 62442.

TELEPHONE BOX: Welcome, Harry Potter. Welcome, Hermione Granger. Welcome, Ron Weasley.

They smile as the telephone box disappears into the floor.

ACT ONE, SCENE SEVENTEEN

MINISTRY OF MAGIC, MEETING ROOM

HARRY, HERMIONE, GINNY, and DRACO pace around a small room.

DRACO: Have we searched thoroughly beside the tracks . . .

HARRY: My department have searched once and are searching again.

DRACO: And the Trolley Witch is not able to tell us anything useful?

HERMIONE: The Trolley Witch is furious. She keeps talking about letting down Ottaline Gambol. She prides herself on her Hogwarts delivery record.

GINNY: Have there been any instances of magic reported by the Muggles?

HERMIONE: None so far. I have made the Muggle Prime Minister aware and he is filing what is known as a misper. Sounds like a spell. It isn’t.

DRACO: So now we’re relying on Muggles to find our children? Have we told them about Harry’s scar too?

HERMIONE: We’re merely asking the Muggles to help. And who knows how Harry’s scar might be involved but it’s certainly a matter we’re taking seriously. Our Aurors are currently investigating anyone involved in Dark Magic and —

DRACO: This is not Death Eater–related.

HERMIONE: I’m not sure I share your confidence.

DRACO: I’m not confident, I’m right. The sort of cretins pursuing Dark Magic now . . . My son is a Malfoy, they wouldn’t dare.