The Female Orgasm Black Book

Stage 1: Physical Relaxation

To bring the physical body into a state of relaxation, a combination of deep breathing and massage can begin to chip away at the multiple stresses that we accumulate on a day-to-day basis. Physical relaxation is the first step, and it is important. But there’s more to total relaxation than merely relieving muscular tensions…

Stage 2: Relaxing our “Energy System”

Whether you call it an aura, a force field, or our natural electricity, each of us runs off a subtle energy network that fuels both our bodies and our minds. Many alternative therapies have reported supporting claims that a great deal of all of our physical ailments stem from disturbances in our personal energy networks.

You’ll know you’re progressing well through these steps when your lover begins to sense heaviness spreading through her limbs and then the rest of her body. In this stage, help your lover concentrate on her breathing. Have her imagine peace and tranquility flooding in with each inhale and stress and tension escaping on the exhale…

Stage 3: Relaxation of the Mind and the Senses

Once you’ve cleared stage two, you want to begin working on your lover’s mental and emotional stress. This can be accomplished through touch and communication.

During this stage, your lover may notice a feeling of lightness — maybe even to the point that she feels as though she’s floating. On closer inspection, you’ll probably notice that the length of each exhale has grown longer… These signs mean you’ve reached a point of deep relaxation.

Yoga practitioners include an additional two stages of relaxation, but these are aimed more at joining the Universal Consciousness than sexual satisfaction…

Massage: Immediate Goals…

First of all, remember not to focus on the ends, but instead the means to get there. In this case, don’t focus too much on the orgasm (or even total relaxation, for that matter) but totally immerse yourself in the immediate pleasure of the moment.

That doesn’t mean though that there aren’t any specifics that you should follow. Here are a few suggestions to help you get the most out of the moment…

• Endeavor to get her to the state of both mental and physical relaxation, and start out by giving her a soothing, calming non-erotic massage

• Aim to release tension so that the orgasm is easier to attain.

• Don’t forget the lighting, music, and scents mentioned in the last chapter. Remember that if you create a relaxing atmosphere in your bedroom, it will be easier for her to become relaxed.

The 3 Step Formula for Relaxation

The formula for relaxation that I always use is covered in 3 steps:

Step 1: Set the Stage

How to create a relaxation environment in your bedroom was covered in the last chapter, so there’s no need to go over it again.

But, what you want to do is bring her into the bedroom for only a few moments… and then… take her out of the room!

You’ll be building the anticipation for sex in her mind, and she’ll start getting aroused.

Where are you going to take her next? See Step 2.

Step 2: Shower (or Bath)

You’re both going to take a shower or a bath together. Personally I like a shower best, because it’s faster than a bath and you can move into massaging quicker. Sometimes I opt for a bath instead, but it really depends on how much stress I sense my partner is in. If she’s not too stressed out, and is already excited for sex, I’ll go for the shower. If she had a long and stressful day, I’ll set up a bath.

The goal here is two folds:

1) Relaxation — there’s nothing like a hot shower to get the both of you started in a state of relaxation. Also, the shower (or bath) acts as a transition period from the regular routines of everyday life to love making.

Try not to rush the shower or the bath. You want to take it slow and enjoy each others’ company while you’re in there.

2) Cleanliness — obviously, showering will eliminate sweat, dirt and odors from both of your bodies.

But what amazes me is how often people engage in sexual activities without cleaning up first!

I don’t know about you, but the last thing I want to see is toilet paper bits on her anus while I’m about to eat her out. Or taste and/or smell urine residue on her vagina. Yuck.

Also, if you’re doing this in the evening, she probably went to the toilet a few times during the day. And if you know anything about sitting on the can, sometimes, some of that toilet water splashes up… and… well, you get the idea.

Clean before you fuck is my motto!

Step 3: Massage

Now, once you’ve cleaned up, head back into the bedroom. She’s ready for the massage.

Note: Lay down a large towel on the bed before you start. You’ll be using oil during the massage (you can use grape seed oil, baby oil, or specialty massage oils), and you don’t want to get it on your bed sheets.

Also, later on when you’re fingering her and having sex, she might ejaculate, so it’s a good idea to have a towel covering the bed sheets right away.